My eyes and the rest of my body are so tired, but my brain is like “no! you don’t get to relax enough to fall asleep. enjoy staying up all night!”
I just wish I could sleep. I know life isn’t fair, but I have to say this is not fair one bit. I hate that I’ve probably only had a small handful of nights that I could sleep at a somewhat reasonable time in the past almost 3 months. Fuck this. Fuck sleepless nights. Fuck you 5:07 am. And now I wish I could just cry it out, but nope can’t do that either.
I can’t explain my feelings. All I can say is it feels so overwhelming most of the time. It’s just a pain that takes away sleep, conquers the mind, and refuses to leave. It is emptiness and confusion. And I feel like I can’t ask for help, no matter how much I want it.
One night, I’ll be able to sleep at a normal time and sleep through the entire night. No more of this falling asleep when people are waking up bullshit. I will sleep at a normal time because my mind will be clear. I will recover and feel better about myself.
It would be really great if i could fall asleep. I mean i would appreciate that a lot. Because it would be nice to have a break from those terrible thoughts instead of having to deal with them in the silence and darkness of the night as well as during the day.
Sometimes I’m afraid to sleep. I don’t have nightmares, but it’s the fear of the thoughts that happen before I sleep that scare me.